I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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