she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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