So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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