is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
