How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
