And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
