Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
