i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
