Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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