So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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