Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
