What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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