I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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