yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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