i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
