and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
