he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Randomize
