its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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