just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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