You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
