watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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