Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
