even my farts smell like vagina
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
you never un-have a 4some
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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