He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
