So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Randomize
