he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
