ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
