hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
