I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
