it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Randomize
