wat bout pragnant strippers??
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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