i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
