I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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