At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
