That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize