I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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