dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize