i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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