you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
