this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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