Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
