Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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