Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
