some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
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