living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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