The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I need to stop coming to work sober
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
