she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
My bed smells like the plague
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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