Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
