Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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