i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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