I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
