I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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