Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
