Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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