Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
