Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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