She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
