as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
