saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
