Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
