I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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