I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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