she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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