Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
