I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Are we still banned from the library?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
