Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
