Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
